Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
by Rhasa aka Sarah
Summary: COMPLETE Sequel to 'Between a Rock and a Hard Place' where Max goes in to heat around a virus infected Logan who is forced to call Alec for help.
1. Default Chapter

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 1 Author: Rhasa Rating: PG13 later R Category: Angst Spoilers: None Disclaimer: No money being made, used with the upmost respect. No infringement intended. Ship: Do I really have to say at this stage??? Try this story, you might just like it and it doesn't matter what ship you belong to - but there will be a designated couple at the end - I think. Summary: Previously in "Between A Rock and A Hard Place", Max goes into heat around a virus infected Logan who is forced to call Alec for help. No good can come of that situation... or can it?  
  
And today in "Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" Max deals with confessions and the aftermath. The truth hurts in more ways than one.  
  
NOTE: This is a SEQUEL to Between a Rock and a Hard Place. You have to read that to enjoy this.  
  
Feedback: Is the only reason I write.. Okay. Okay, it's not the only reason, but it is a big BIG reason. I mean it's great having people say nice things about something you've done, especially when real life tends not to provide as many nice compliments.  
  
I guess what I'm trying to say is please email me or review and let me know what you think. Rhasa4@yahoo.com.  
  
Devil and the Deep Blue Sea By Rhasa  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Max dropped the pitcher of beer back onto one of Crash's least stained tables and sighed. She was too tired to lift the jug. Her heat episode had left her feeling a little punk but it was her recent conversation with Alec that had left her drained.  
  
Never one to be insensitive to her boo's woes, Original Cindy had been badgering her about what was wrong for the past half hour.  
  
"I can see this is going to be some sort of waiting game," O.C said, trying a different tactic in the war to get Max to open up. "But you know Original Cindy don't ever back down from a challenge, and she'll be pestering your ass until you finally give in. So you may as well save us both the time and energy and spill it now, so we can get onto to ways of fixing or solving whatever it is that has my girl down so low her eyelashes are sweeping the pavement."  
  
Max sighed what must have been her hundredth sigh that night. A part of her did want to unload her burden onto the best friend she'd ever had, but another part of her worried that O.C wouldn't understand... she hardly understood any of it herself.  
  
Max looked towards her friend, her eyes full with worry.  
  
"Whatever it is it can't be as bad as you think it is," O.C assured her. "And you don't need worry about me. I've handled everything you've dished out to me already, including the first mention of you being Transgenic and superwoman and all, as well as those killer Red soldiers and the introduction to our favourite dog boy. Whatever it is, I am here for you. I can take it. I won't flinch. Nothing will shock me." O.C said by way of further encouragement.  
  
Max looked up, and took a deep breath. "I'm thinking about cheating on Logan," she said.  
  
O.C sat there with her mouth open and after a few seconds blinked heavily. "I stand corrected," she replied. She sat a little straighter in her chair and took her friend's hand in her own.  
  
She was about to launch into a myriad of questions, but looking into her friend's eyes, and seeing such confusion and sadness made her pause. This obviously needed a gentle approach. "Why don't you start at the very beginning," she said softly.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, after Max had finished reciting the events of the past three days in as much detail as she could remember, O.C announced, "I'm going to need more alcohol before I can wade further into this little drama of yours."  
  
Max remained silent, fearing that she had given away too much already, wondering if her friend thought any less of her.  
  
"Damn girl," O.C sighed, when she noticed Max's mood hadn't lifted any. "I swear what you just told me sounds more like the first three acts of a Shakespearean tragedy than just what happened to you over the weekend."  
  
"That's a fair description," Max said, still sullen.  
  
O.C frowned. She hated to see her friend so upset, so sad and so confused all at the same time. She had been through plenty in her relatively short life. Nothing was simple when it came to Max. But although her friend wasn't always easy to be around, she was always a true friend, a friend to be counted on, a friend who would never disappoint, and damn if O.C wasn't going to be the same.  
  
"So let me get this straight," O.C began, to determined to understand everything that she had been told before she proceeded. "Because he loves you so much, Logan is suggesting you sleep with Alec during your heat. That way, he'll know you're somewhere relatively safe when one of these bitchin heat sessions take control of you, and not shacking up with any poor schmuck you meet on the street."  
  
"Pretty much," Max affirmed.  
  
Original Cindy sat there and stared long and hard at her friend. "I honestly don't know what to say, Boo," she said while shaking her head.  
  
"I know it sounds..radical," Max said. "But when he suggested it to me, it kinda made sense," she offered lamely.  
  
"Radical is not the word, I'd be using to describe it," O.C said tersely under her breathe. Max wondered if her friend had forgotten that she had transgenic hearing.  
  
"Logan loves me," Max said a little defensively, noticing OC wasn't entirely supportive towards Logan's suggestion.  
  
"Uh huh," O.C replied, her displeasure clearly evident on her face.  
  
"He would do anything to keep me safe," Max argued.  
  
"Mm Hmm. Including pushing you into the arms of another man."  
  
"He isn't pushing me into the arms of another man," Max scowled. "He'd be pushing me into another man's bed. There's a difference," she clarified.  
  
O.C's eyebrows shot upwards. "Are you listening to yourself?" She asked.  
  
"It'd just be sex," Max argued further. "A physical act. A release. A remedy.." She nodded as if it suddenly had become clear to her ".. A remedy to a temporary ailment."  
  
O.C looked at Max, hardly believing what she heard. "So what you're saying, is that you're okay with the fact that Logan is happy for you to be playing doctor with Alec."  
  
Max stared reproachfully at her friend. "Logan loves me," Max said again.  
  
"And yet, here you are, drowning your sorry ass in that pitcher of beer, thinking about cheating on the man."  
  
"Yeah," Max whispered, as she reached for the pitcher of beer again.  
  
O.C looked at her friend more closely. Max was slumped in her chair. This whole thing had her so messed up and O.C really couldn't blame her. It wasn't often that the supposed love of your life proved his love for you by pushing you to sleep with another man.. that was a whole'nother cable channel.  
  
O.C really wanted to help her friend. She would never dis' Logan straight out in front of Max, but maybe, if she got Max to see what she saw, then some sense would be forth coming to the girl. She decided to play devil's advocate and explore Logan's suggestion for the time being.  
  
"Okay. So maybe there is some sense in what Logan is saying. I mean... I've been there when you've come out of one of those sessions. I know how much you hate yourself after. Maybe this is one way to avoid all that. So how can you feel so bad about it? Logan has suggested it.. And besides it's not like you'd really be cheating on the man. How can it be cheating if you're *not like that*?" O.C asked using the commonly understood phase that described the non-physical status of the Max/Logan relationship.  
  
"Because if it wasn't for the virus, we would be like that, there's no doubt in my mind. With all the guys I've ever been with it's always been about physical attraction. I really can't blame those guys for thinking that. I mean I'd hook up with them during my heat session. Some, I'd barely say a dozen words to before I would find myself falling into bed with them. It's not as if I was interested in getting to know them or anything. And then afterwards well.. They'd kind of hang around, until.. well until they got tired of me keeping the distance between us. But with Logan.." Max looked up. "For the first time in my life it wasn't like that. Here was someone who wanted to get to know me, who didn't just have me around because I was pleasant on the eye. He wanted to know the real me, and I wanted to know the real him. He wasn't just after sex. But.." she faltered.  
  
"But what?" O.C prodded.  
  
"It turns out, Alec isn't just after the sex either."  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
I wanted to throw this out there to see if there was anyone who might be interested in reading the this series which would be the sequel to Between a Rock and a Hard Place which is available on fanfiction net.  
  
If enough people are interested I will write the rest. Let me know at Rhasa4@yahoo.com  
  
For those of you who read Between a Rock and a Hard Place I know that Alec rejects Max, and yet here Max is thinking about cheating on Logan.. That's because there is more to her confession than meets the eye... 


	2. Chapter 2

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 2 Author: Rhasa Rating: PG13 later R Category: Angst, angst and more angst - but still something for everyone - at least for now. Spoilers: None Disclaimer: No money being made, used with the upmost respect. No infringement intended. Ship: Do I really have to say at this stage??? Try this story, you might just like it and it doesn't matter what ship you belong to - but there will be a designated couple at the end - I think. Summary: Max isn't the only one confused. Feedback: Is the only reason I write.. Okay. Okay, it's not the only reason, but it is a big BIG reason. I mean it's great having people say nice things about something you've done, especially when real life tends not to provide as many nice compliments.  
  
I guess what I'm trying to say is please email me or review and let me know what you think. Rhasa4@yahoo.com.  
  
Devil and the Deep Blue Sea By Rhasa  
  
"Original Cindy gives credit where credit is due, and from what my boo just told me, I'm ready to say that Alec is definitely not the low down dog I thought he was, although..." she looked up at Max. "I always had my suspicions."  
  
What O.C told Max was entirely truthful. Even without Max's rendition of her last conversation with Alec in which he had declared his feelings for her and in doing so, rejected Logan's offer of him being a convenient sex substitute during her heat sessions, O.C had held out hope for the guy. Ever since she had met the lovable transgenic rouge, and although she had busted his chops about his seemingly cavalier way of treating members of the fairer (and in O.C's opinion finer sex), she had always suspected that he was essentially a decent kind of guy, deep down that is. Had she known then what she knew now - that he secretly harboured a love and, dare she say it, a respect, for Max that was hard to come by in these post pulse days - she may have even cut the boy some slack. Maybe.  
  
"You gotta hand it to him, " O.C continued, more to herself than to her best friend. "That's one boy who is full of surprises."  
  
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," Max replied. "You know, do what I always do - try and find a way for what I'm feeling to be all his fault.. For it to be totally unequivocally, entirely his fault... Maybe I can still do that," Max looked up at her friend hopefully. "I mean if he hadn't have rejected me, if he hadn't have thought of himself yet again - and what *he* was feeling - and if he'd agreed to do this.. Just to be there for me, then..then everything would be fine. Everything would be as it always is," Max nodded, seemingly in agreement with her own thoughts. "I would hate him, he'd be there for me, but I could still hate him and it would still be all his fault. It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him.." she reiterated.  
  
"But you can't," O.C clarified for her, ignoring the contradictions in Max's ramblings.  
  
"Right," Max sighed. "I can't. Because.."  
  
"Because?" O.C prodded.  
  
"Because he had to be him and go and mess everything up." Max said despondently.  
  
"You mean, he had to go and fall in love with you," O.C corrected.  
  
"Yeah. That too," Max said while taking another sip of her now warm beer, trying to drown out the words Alec had said to her.. trying to drown out his confession.. .. trying not to relive the moment when her world fell apart with a truth finally spoken..  
  
"I'd want it all, Max," he had shouted at her in a last ditch effort for her to understand."I'd want the seduction and the foreplay and the kissing and the hand holding and the holding one another afterwards. The fucking I can get anywhere, anytime," he spat at her. "I'd even want those silly endearments that the ordinaries use. I want that sparkle in your eyes you'd get every time you'd see me, that blush to your cheeks when you'd be thinking about us, you moaning my name as you came - that's what an 'us' would be, Max. Not a late night explosion in the sack every couple of months where you'd leave money on the nightstand before you headed home to.. him!"  
  
Max cringed at the memory of the venom and.. desperation in his voice. For Alec it wasn't about sex. She would never be just sex to him. He had as much said so when he'd later whispered while gazing down at her, his soul for all to see reflected in his eyes, "With you it could never just be like that."  
  
And she knew. Max knew.. Perhaps she had always known, that it could never be like that for her either.... not with him. And so she had offered him something. Just what it was, she wasn't exactly sure, but it was all she had at the moment.  
  
"I love Logan," she had told him. "I'll always love Logan... But that doesn't mean that we, you and I, can't have something together," she had offered.  
  
Perhaps it had been a confession or maybe it had been a promise.. Whatever it had been, it was totally unexpected and maybe not quite as thought through as it should have been, but it had been enough - enough for him - enough to get him to stay.. At least for now.  
  
And she wondered how could she hate him... and whether she could love him at the same time.. and whether it was some sort of sick co-dependence that defined their relationship. Or maybe she was keeping that defining characteristic for another relationship in her life.  
  
She had told him, "I don't want to lose you, Alec. As infuriating as you are sometimes I need you in my life.. I want you in my life."  
  
"And I want you in mine," he had confessed again. "But what we both want although seemingly similar is also so totally opposite."  
  
She didn't really have anything to say to that. She knew he was right. She'd never admit to him that she wanted it both ways.  
  
"I was wrong to ask you what I did," she had said after a few more moments of awkward silence.  
  
"I know you were desperate. I know you love Logan. And you didn't know how I felt about you," he had told her with more understanding than she deserved.  
  
"Yet you still didn't say 'yes'," she had said in disbelief.  
  
And damn him, if he hadn't had replied, "It wouldn't have been real, Max," in a soft pleading voice, that had made her insides quiver.  
  
Max sighed again, the memories both terrifying and exhilarating, a lump suddenly forming in her throat.  
  
"It would be a lot easier if I could just hate him," she said once more to O.C, who looked back at her with nothing but empathy. "It would be a lot easier if I could just hate Logan," she said further. "But that's the thing, O.C," she said turning towards her. "I don't hate them. I love them.. I think I love them both."  
  
TBC  
  
Please please please, drop me a line Rhasa4@yahoo.com. 


	3. Chapter 3

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Author: Rhasa Category: Angst/Romance. Rating: PG 13 Spoilers: None Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made and all that. Summary: Max still wrestles with her confusion.  
  
Feedback: Do you know how much I love it????? Heaps and heaps and heaps. Honestly, no matter what you guys say (unless it's total all out flames) I am so rapt to hear from you. Please drop me a line at Rhasa4@yahoo.com or hit reply and make my writer's day.  
  
Bewtween the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 3 By Rhasa  
  
"Hey," Logan nodded to Max as she shrugged out of her jacket.  
  
"Hey," she replied back.  
  
She knew she was late. She had debated with herself whether she should have come at all. Her lengthy conversation with Original Cindy at Crash earlier that night hadn't brought her any closer to understanding any of the hundred or so different emotions that she had been feeling, nor had a ride through the icy streets of Seattle cleared her head. It was only at the last moment that she had decided that she had to face her problems front on, which was the main reason she had come to Logan's close to midnight, a mere four hours after the time he had been expecting her.  
  
"I kinda expected you a few hours ago," he said looking in the direction of the dining room table which was still fully set ready for company.  
  
"Yeah sorry about that," she murmured, somewhat half-heartedly.  
  
"Been busy?" he asked simply, without any hints of bitterness.  
  
Max shrugged casually, "Just kickin' it with my girl, you know.."  
  
"Hmmm," he muttered as he took the spent candles off the table and threw the melted stubs into the garbage bin.  
  
"What?" Max asked, wondering if it was indeed suspicion that she had heard in his tone.  
  
"Well I rang, O.C looking for you," he explained. "She said you left her at Crash," he told her.  
  
"Yeah," Max shrugged again unapologetically. "We hung out for a while then I took a ride on my baby. I needed the fresh air."  
  
Logan nodded seemingly content with her explanation, then added. "You missed Alec."  
  
"What?" Max asked, nervously, suddenly wondering if O.C had done the unthinkable and revealed their conversation to Logan.  
  
"Alec. He swung by," Logan explained.  
  
"Yeah?" Max asked around the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat.  
  
"Yeah," Logan stated a little matter-of-factly. "He was looking for you."  
  
"He was?" Max asked, trying to control the adrenaline that seemed to have suddenly surged throughout her system.  
  
"Yeah. He said something about you not swingin' by Joshua's in a couple of days. I think he was worried ... especially after... you know, last time," Logan said, eluding to what he had thought was the last time Max had spoken to Alec which was during the incident in his apartment only a few days before.  
  
Max had debated with herself for two days whether she should tell Logan that she had confronted Alec after her heat episode. At the time she had felt that it was probably for the best that Logan never know they had had the opportunity to... resolve some issues between them. Now as her heart pounded with the fear of what it was, if anything, that Alec had revealed to Logan about his confession, her confusion, Max wondered if perhaps she should have told Logan everything from the begin.. And then wondered further what it was that was still preventing her to do so right this minute.  
  
"I'll try and swing by Joshua's later tonight," Max eventually said.  
  
"Won't he be asleep? It's late already," Logan stated.  
  
"We're Manticore. It's never late for us," Max shrugged.  
  
"I was kinda hoping you'd stay," Logan told her.  
  
"Stay?"  
  
"You know, the night," he clarified.  
  
Max looked up at him in surprise.  
  
"You could take the guest bedroom. Then in the morning I'd cook you the most awesome eggs benedict you've probably ever had," he said with a hopeful grin.  
  
"Ummm," she thought hard.  
  
"Maybe some other time, then," Logan replied clearly disappointed when no answer was forthcoming.  
  
"Yeah. Some other time," she replied cautiously. "Definitely" she then said with more conviction after a moment's thought.  
  
"Max," Logan said softly after a few more seconds of awkwardness, waiting for her to look at him before he continued. "Are we okay?" he asked.  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"You just seem.. I don't know.. a little uncomfortable." He was right. She was feeling uncomfortable. When had she started feeling uncomfortable around him, she wondered? Maybe it was guilt. She hadn't decided anything about Alec. She had only entertained the thought of a possible exploration of what it was she had with him, nothing more. It wasn't as if she had actually cheated on Logan... yet. But didn't just thinking the thought make it just as bad as if she was actually doing it?  
  
She stood there staring at him, wondering if she actually was as transparent as she felt and if he could see right through her. "It's just the after affects of my heat," she lied.  
  
He nodded, dropping his gaze to stare at the wood grain faux floorboards. "Cause if it is something else you can just tell me," he told her , while looking anywhere but in her direction.  
  
No. No I can't, Logan, she thought. Because if I did you would hate me, and I couldn't stand both of us hating me right now. Me hating myself is enough for me to bear.  
  
"I'll be fine in a couple of days," she said out loud to him, while she inwardly declared that she may never be fine ever again.  
  
"I thought that maybe... you were um feeling bad.. about what happened."  
  
Felt bad? Was it that obvious? Max panicked. Her mouth moved but no words came out. How was she supposed to respond to that?  
  
"I.. ummm.I-" she stammered.  
  
"It's okay," Logan said, interrupting her. "I understand. I know you weren't yourself. I know that you'd never endanger me like that if you if you could help it."  
  
Max relaxed somewhat realising that Logan has misconstrued the reasons for her aloofness. She could understand why he thought she was acting strange because she had nearly touched and ultimately killed him during her heat session.  
  
"Yeah. I am sorry, Logan."  
  
"Don't worry about it," he told her. "Next time.... next time, hopefully we'll be better prepared."  
  
"Yeah," she whispered.  
  
"Speaking of next time, did you get a chance to think about what I said?"  
  
What he said, what Alec had said, they were the only things Max has been able to think about for the past few days.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" she said, a thought suddenly occurring to her.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"I'm wondering what made you think of that little solution, of me hooking up with Alec during my heat?"  
  
Logan looked at her, his eyes unreadable. "If it's one thing I've learnt since being shot and left in a wheelchair, it's how to make the best of what you got," he told her. "You could say that I was dealt a bad blow. I wasn't dead but I did lose the use of my legs. I got on with things the best way I knew how. I made the most of a less than ideal situation," he told her.  
  
"But you never really accepted that you were paralysed, Logan," she challenged him. "You never really gave up hope that one day you would walk again. You chased every cure and treatment known to have existed. You never settled for anything other than what it was that you were ultimately after. You were never content to make the best of that wheelchair."  
  
"I don't understand what it is that you are trying to say, Max," he queried.  
  
"I guess I'm just trying to understand, that's all. I'm trying to understand why you would give up on me," she whispered sadly.  
  
"I'm not giving up on you," he said adamantly.  
  
"Aren't you?" she questioned him.  
  
"No," he said taking a step towards her. "I'm trying to save what we've got together. I'm trying to find a way, Max. I .. I love you, Max," he declared.  
  
Max stood there looking at him. Wondering for the first time just why it was that what he had just told her seemed so forced, so pressed.  
  
"Max? I said I love you," he repeated. "Do you... love me too?" he asked.  
  
It wasn't in her to return the words at that moment. She stood silent before him.  
  
Logan sighed, his shoulders drooped and he took a step backwards putting more distance between them, while nodding his head almost imperceptibly.  
  
"If you can't answer me that, then do the decent thing and answer me this. If I had been Alec and asked you that question, what would have been your answer?"  
  
TBC  
  
Sorry guys have to leave it there. Do you really think you know what it was I would have had her answer? I'm interested in hearing your theories.. in fact I live for them. No black and white with this. Where's the fun in that? This, I hope will be an angst fest. As I've said countless times before, the hot monkey sex, M/A or M/L, you can pretty much get anywhere - which isn't to say that you won't get it here, but just not yet, well not in chapters 1, 2 or 3 at least.  
  
I'll only keep updating as long as people keep reviewing and so far the reviews have been really inspirational.  
  
I would absolutely love to hear from you all. I always wonder just what the ratio of readers to readers/reviewers is. SO if you've never reviewed me before why not click that review or reply button and say hi and a few other choice words.  
  
It really makes my day.  
  
Until next time... hopefully,  
  
Rhasa aka Sarah 


	4. Chapter 4

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 4  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Category: Angst/Romance.  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made and all that.  
  
Summary: Max still wrestles with her confusion.  
  
Author's note: I've said it before.. This is going to be an angst-fest. If it's action and hot monkey sex on every page you're after best bail out now. If however you enjoy angst and romance, and character development and exploration... If you, like me, enjoy the chase then maybe this will appeal to you.  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep blue Sea part 4  
  
By Rhasa  
  
"Why? Why bring Alec into this," Max asked angrily. "This is about us. This has nothing to do with Alec."  
  
"Like it or not Max, Alec is in this. It has everything to do about Alec."  
  
Max swung to look at him, trying to read his eyes, to understand just what it was that he feeling. "You're jealous," she finally said, pinning him with an accusing glare. He dropped his gaze at her words and Max knew then that her instincts were right. If he had been any other man, she would've have kicked his ass right there and then. Not once had she given him reason to not trust her when it came to Alec. His jealousy wasn't due to anything she had done - but to his own perceived inadequacies. Against an alpha transgenic male like Alec, Logan was only half a man. Being paralysed on top of that made him even less.  
  
"There's nothing going on between me and Alec," she said. "Alec and I aren't like that." Technically speaking what she was saying was true. Maybe if she said it enough times she'd really believe it.  
  
"Funny," Logan scoffed. "That's what you used to say about us," he threw back at her.  
  
"What is it that you want from me, Logan?" She asked. She couldn't escape the sensation of her heart twisting inside her chest. Why did he have to make it so difficult? Why did everything have to be so hard when it came to Logan?  
  
"I want a lot of things," he answered.  
  
"You're pushing me away," she said truthfully, her eyes filling with tears.  
  
"I'm not pushing you anywhere, where you don't already want to go," he said sadly.  
  
"That's not fair," Max turned on him. "I've never done anything to make you not trust me."  
  
"I know that, Max. But that doesn't mean that what I'm saying isn't true."  
  
Max stood and stared. Her instincts were screaming at her to run. She didn't have to take his accusations or his shit. What was she waiting for? Why was she punishing herself like this? She'd walked out on Logan many times before for much less. She had every right to walk out on him now. But she found herself rooted to the spot nevertheless. She couldn't leave, not yet... not until there was a sign..not until she knew.. not until she knew if she was ever going to come back again.  
  
Logan saw the emotions warring inside of her.  
  
"I think you should go to him," he said, quietly defeated.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I think you should go to Alec," he explained. He looked into her eyes. "I love you Max," he whispered, his own words strangled with emotion. "I always have and I'm pretty sure I always will-"  
  
"Logan, please-" she began, the tears coming in earnest now.  
  
"But I think you should go to him... And find out for sure... Find out for sure who it is that you're in love with."  
  
"Logan I do love you," she told him, it was more of a plea than a declaration.  
  
"Go to him. Sleep with him. Don't sleep with him. The particulars don't really matter."  
  
"Logan-"  
  
"Max, go to him and find out.. find out who you're *in* love with. Then if you come back to me.." he choked. "Then if you come back to me, I'll know. I'll know for sure."  
  
"And if I don't come back?" she asked after a moment's silence, anger suddenly replacing her confusion and heartache.  
  
"Then I guess I'll have to comfort myself with that old saying, 'it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all'."  
  
TBC  
  
Yeah yeah yeah. I hear you. Many of you wanted me to get to the 'good' stuff. But I had to resolve this little thing between Logan and Max before Max and Alec see each other again which made for a really short chapter. Next one will be a lot longer - I promise.  
  
I know, I know, nothing is really resolved. I guess the ball is in Max's court so to speak.  
  
I know many of you think that Logan is a sleeze. Funny, that's not how I saw him during the show, but now I having my doubts.... don't know why. I keep wondering just why it is that so many DA fans see that Max and Alec should be together at all. Maybe because the seeds of the idea were panted in the episode "love amongst the ruins" with Max pretending that her and Alec were together. Would people have thought about this if it hadn't had been somewhat explored by the show? Or would people naturally want to see Max and Alec hook up because they seemed so similar --- ie, young, attractive, both transgenics etc etc. Is it just a physical thing????? What ever happened to opposites attract? Just a thought.... drop me a line with your views I'd love to hear them.  
  
A Note about Feedback: I would love to hear from each and every one of you. It's funny, I'm getting all of these emails to my yahoo account, saying "I never review because I can never think of anything to say but.." Which go on to say the nicest and most constructive things. So keep it up. I really appreciate ALL your comments. And if you have been unsure of yourself and what you should say in a review in the past which has prevented you from reviewing, start with baby steps. Start by saying: I read it. I liked... or I didn't like...or whatever.  
  
For me, the next best thing to writing fic is having a dialogue with people about the fic I've just written.  
  
For those people who have asked me about my other DA series "Today They Won the Battle" (which if you are a M/A and or angst fan I highly recommend), I've kind of hit writer's block but am working on the final 2 chapters. Once again, if you have any and I mean ANY suggestions on where that should go (other than straight to the hot monkey sex) than drop me a line.  
  
Til next time  
  
Rhasa aka Sarah  
  
For those of you who have asked about directly emailing you each chapter, if you read these at Fanfiction net and you have a log on name there you can set it up to notify each time I post. Just go to Author Alerts. That way you won't miss a chapter. 


	5. Chapter 5

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 4  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Category: Angst/Romance.  
  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made and all that.  
  
Summary: Max still wrestles with her confusion but moves closer to a choice.  
  
Archive: Sure just let me know where and keep my name on it.  
  
Author's note: At end  
  
Feedback: Rhasa4@yahoo.com please, please, please.  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 5  
  
By Rhasa  
  
Max gunned the engine of her Ninja a little harder as she tore through the streets of Seattle in the early hours of the morning. The roads had been slickened by a light downpour earlier in the evening causing her to concentrate just a little harder in order to not lose control - of her motorcycle at least.  
  
As she pushed the machine faster and faster along the hard surface, she felt the restraint that she had shown earlier in Logan's apartment begin to slip. Every time another tear threatened to fall she hit the accelerator once again, but try as she might, she couldn't out run the ache, the confusion and the sense of loss that seemingly ran through her veins.  
  
"I think you should go to him." Logan had told her earlier. In all honesty that's not what she had expected him to say to her when she went there tonight. But then she hadn't really known what to expect. Every since her last heat session she was having trouble making sense of everything. How had it become so complicated all of a sudden?  
  
The truth was it all had always been complicated. All of it. Her life. Her past. Logan.. and then Alec..  
  
"I think you should go to him." Max heard Logan's voice in her head again.  
  
She hadn't bothered to tell Logan that she had already gone to Alec. She hadn't told Logan that Alec had managed to be typically Alec and confuse the hell out of her by rejecting her and declaring his love for her at the same time. She hadn't bothered him with those small details. .. and now she wondered why.  
  
Nor had she bothered to tell Logan of her true feelings or of the realisations she had come to make in the past few days. There was something there between her and Alec- something from her end-she couldn't deny that now. Ever since Alec had made his confession, she couldn't get him out of her head.  
  
She had gone over every past encounter they had had together and seen everything he had said and done in a new light. Damn him for that. Once she had been secure in her contempt for him. Before, she had hated him, he had barely tolerated her and all had been right with the world. But now.. Now things were different.  
  
"Find out for sure who it is that you're in love with," Logan's voice whispered to her again. Logan had been right.  
  
She had to get this sorted.  
  
She had never been so distracted before.  
  
But how?  
  
Alec had made it clear that he wasn't interested in a one night stand. If they were to be together like that he'd want it all. Somehow the thought of her having it all with Alec, terrified Max. She feared Alec may consume her. Logan had always kept her at arms length even on the few occasions that they had enjoyed any intimacy. It was like Logan revered her, as if she was fragile and only to be handled with care. But with Alec, Max knew it would be different.  
  
With Alec it would be fast and wild and raw. He was an Alpha male. He hadn't made a move towards her, despite having feelings for her, for that she'd give him credit. But Max had no doubts that if they'd ever get together there'd be no holding Alec back. He'd claim her. He'd die to protect her and that thought both thrilled and terrified her at the same time.  
  
"Find out who you're *in* love with," Logan's voice said again. "Then if you come back to me, I'll know. I'll know for sure."  
  
She couldn't stop the tear falling this time. Logan didn't really know what he was asking of her. If she went to Alec to find out, she wouldn't be coming back, of that much she was almost certain. But could she risk that? Should she risk that? Was she truly ready to give Logan up?  
  
She rounded a sharp corner and hit a large puddle, its spray splashing up into her face. She closed her eyes against the sting of the cold droplets. Before her in her mind were images of her and Alec entwined together. Arms and legs and hands all moving, roaming, groping. Lips sliding and sucking and soothing. She opened her eyes quickly blocking out the scene before her and tamping down the accompanying sensations.  
  
"Damn him," she cursed again. Damn him for loving me. Things would be so much easier if he didn't love me. The big jerk.  
  
Max suddenly felt an anger rising up in her. What was it with Alec and him falling for women he couldn't have? He had pretty much confessed that after Rachel he doubted that he'd ever allow himself to feel that deeply for anyone ever again. And yet he had stood before her and told Max he loved her, in effect, complicating everything. How could she love him and hate him at the same time?  
  
She didn't hate him. Not really. She never really had.  
  
Which is why she had to get this sorted.  
  
And why she suddenly turned the bike in the opposite direction. She was going to him. To do just what Logan had said. She was going to him to ask.. to beg him to love her... even if it was just for one night.  
  
TBC  
  
Next chapter: the big confrontation.  
  
I know this was a little bit disjointed, but I wanted to capture Max's confusion and conflicting emotions. I think it is totally possible for some to feel two totally opposite emotions at the same time. I'm a Leo - we're mercurial. Others call us unstable, but I'm sure other Leos know what I mean.  
  
Please feed the monster and review or reply. I so love to hear from you guys. I also had such a hard time writing this chapter so if you are a M/A OR M/L fan please drop me suggestions. I don't know which I will use but they at least get me thinking.  
  
Rhasa4@yahoo.com 


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 6  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Category: Angst  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money being made  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Summary: By this part you should have realised that this is the sequel to my other story "Between a rock and a Hard Place" in which Max goes into heat around a virus infected Logan who is forced to call Alec for help. After that little encounter, Logan decides that it would be safer Max and Alec hook up when she's in heat. Max begins to doubt her feelings for Logan, while Alec confesses his feelings for Max. If you haven't read that, you should, then read this.  
  
In this chapter, Max, still confused and torn, confronts Alec about the nature of their relationship and his recent revelations. Logan, it seems is pushing Max towards Alec, hoping that whatever it is that her and Alec have together will finally be resolved.  
  
People keep asking me which ship this belongs to. At this stage I can't honestly say, because if you're a M/A or a M/L you tend to interpret what I write differently. Just know this, Logan really does love Max and so does Alec. Will she make a choice? Who will she choose? Well you just have to keep reading and reviewing.  
  
If it's already too drawn out for you, better bale now.  
  
Feedback: After the day I have had today, I would love to hear from you all as to what you think about what is happening in this little DA world of mine.  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 6 By Rhasa  
  
Max stared at the puddle at her feet. It's size told her she had been standing in the same spot for quite some time - well, time enough for the water that she had been sprayed with on her ride over here to drip and pool beneath her. She stared once more at the door to Alec's apartment, willing herself to stop procrastinating and simply knock already.  
  
She had felt both relieved and terrified a while earlier when she had finally decided to have it out with Alec. She had tried to think as little as possible on the way over, least she lose her nerve, or come to her senses, whatever the case may be.. She had trusted her instincts to get her to the spot where she now found herself - her auto pilot serving her well, right up until the time for her to knock and announce her presence. But now as she stood before the offending piece of wood, she found herself dumbstruck and nervous. She had no idea what it was that she really wanted to say, or how she wanted to say it. All she did know was that something had to be said.  
  
Just as she was beginning to debate on the merits of leaving and returning later, perhaps in a day or two, or a week or even longer, after she had properly prepared herself, the same door opened unexpectantly.  
  
"Max!" Alec said surprised, as he brought himself up sharp, mindful not to crash into the surprise guest that stood before him.  
  
"Yeah," Max answered rather vaguely.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Alec asked her.  
  
Yeah, what am I doing here, she thought. She drew in a deep breath taking a good long look at Alec. He was dressed casually enough but she noticed that he was wearing his favourite black jacket that was usually reserved for special occasions. "You stepping out?"  
  
Alec shifted his feet. "Um. Yeah. I was. I was going to Crash, actually."  
  
"You were?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh." Max sounded disappointed  
  
Alec looked at Max suspiciously. When she didn't add anything further he finally asked, "Max, are you okay?"  
  
"Too early to tell," she mumbled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um, Alec, can I come in for a sec?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, sure," Alec said a little hesitantly. "Come on in."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Max brushed past him eager to finally get inside. Her insides were still in a knot. She put both hands in the back pockets of her jeans and turned around in the living room a couple of times.  
  
Alec watched her and couldn't help think that she looked and acted like a caged cat. A big cat. A man-eater. A nervous man-eater.  
  
"You gonna tell me what this is all about?" he asked, after she had continued her pacing for a while.  
  
Max stopped in her tracks and stared at him. "What? I can't just *drop* by?"  
  
"Well seeing as you never have before, unless you wanted something specific, then you can't blame a guy for being suspicious."  
  
Max snorted. "That's not true. I've dropped by just for the sake of it before."  
  
"Ah. No.. no you haven't, Max," he said, pinning her with a look.  
  
"Huh."  
  
"Huh? Is that all you got to say?"  
  
"What else do you want me to say?"  
  
"How about you tell me why you're here."  
  
Max crossed her arms and gave him what Alec would call, a typically Max- lying-through-her-teeth look. "I wanted to see how you were."  
  
"How I was?" Alec asked curiously.  
  
"Yeah. In light of recent.. events, you know," she shrugged.  
  
Alec's eyes suddenly darkened. He swallowed hard, before he replied gruffly, "I think we established how 'I' was last time you 'happened to drop by' if you'll remember."  
  
"Right," she said softly before turning to walk across the living room once more.  
  
"Come on, Max. Enough with the games already," Alec said, his tone growing impatient.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking abou-"  
  
"Tell me what you really want," he told her. "Need a partner for a heist? Got a hot Eyes Only informant tip on an ex-Manticore Geneticist you need to track down?" he tried to be flippant.  
  
"I want you to make love to me," she blurted out, surprising the hell not only out of him but of her as well.  
  
"What?" he spluttered.  
  
"You heard me," she challenged him.  
  
"I'm thinking perhaps I heard you wrong."  
  
"You didn't."  
  
"I didn't," he repeated.  
  
"No."  
  
They stood facing each other off, both not eager to be the first one to look away.  
  
Alec, finally not being able to take her penetrating look, sighed, cast his eyes to the floor and ran a hand through his tousled her. "What the hell is going on, Max," he looked up at her again. "I don't want to play these games."  
  
"I'm not here to play games, Alec. I meant what I said."  
  
He cocked an eyebrow at her, wondering what she now expected of him. "This is some sort of test right?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Look whatever is going on inside of that head of yours, I don't know.. I'm not into games, Max," he stammered and tried to shrug off her words. "If there's some right or wrong thing to say right now I don't know what it is, but.. hell, I don't know... I don't know what to say, because I don't know what you're thinking."  
  
She looked directly at him and took a deep breath. "I'm thinking that maybe I've been ignoring something for all the time that we've known one another, Alec. I'm thinking maybe it's time to find out," She told him plainly.  
  
He stared at her, as if waiting for something else. "Is that all?" he finally asked.  
  
"Is there something more?" she asked confused.  
  
Alec's eyes grew darker still. "I told you, Max. I told you what I want. And what, now I've got you curious and you what, you come over for a booty call?"  
  
"Booty call?" Max asked surprised at his use of expression.  
  
"You know what I mean. And you know exactly what I'm referring to," he said not letting her off the hook. "Thanks, but no thanks," he replied before turning and heading back towards the door."  
  
Max knew he was about to walk out. She rushed forward and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. "Alec, just hear me out, okay? I know I'm not really good at this, or at.. you know, feelings and stuff. It kinda surprises me that you know or say you know exactly what you want, you being in Manticore a whole 'nother ten years than me. But regardless.. I know I'm not good at this stuff and so I'm trying here - trying to make you understand what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling."  
  
"Which is?" he prompted her, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.  
  
"Which is... hell, I don't know exactly."  
  
Alec grimaced. Clearly that was not the answer he wanted to hear. He began to turn on his heel again. "Sorry, Max. I can't help you."  
  
"Wait!" She reached for him again. "Just wait will ya? Hear me out?"  
  
Alec looked at her and saw the desperation in her eyes, and simply nodded slightly for her to continue.  
  
"I've been thinking about what you said," she began her heart pounding in nervousness. "About you loving me and what you wanted. I've been thinking about that and well.. I've been thinking about a lot of things. And I don't think you're really being fair?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're not, I know you're not. You're not being fair, Alec. You declare that you love me. You've obviously had a while to think about this. You've adjusted. And yet you throw this thing out at me and you ask me, in effect you ask me to give up, totally give up, one love of my life in order for me to be with you."  
  
Alec looked at her s if he couldn't believe what it was he was hearing. "Yeah, I'm a real asshole that way."  
  
"Alec, just quit it," Max snapped, her nervousness suddenly replaced by an anger that was steadily building. "You tell me that you want all of me. Not a one night stand. You want everything there is to have. And yet, how can I..." she faltered. "How can I know if I want the same? I mean a part of me does, but how can I really be sure, unless you give me the chance to find out?"  
  
Alec stared long and hard at her after taking in her words. "You want.. to test drive me, Max?"  
  
"No. You gotta at least let me get used to the idea of us being together like that."  
  
"I don't know what it is you want from me," he said finally, his voice soft and small, like a child's.  
  
Max took a step towards him, her eyes searching his. When he looked up at her she worried that he could see the moisture that had suddenly gathered in her brown depths and noticed the tremble of her lip.  
  
"Please, Alec," she said as she drew closer. "Give me the chance to find....... to find out if we could have something together. I want to find out, but it's all or nothing with you. That's not realistic. That's not how it usually works. There has to be some middle ground here. There has to be some 'let's try it and see' kind of element to it.  
  
"I don't know if I can let it be that way with us, Max," he whispered.  
  
"Alec-" her voice cried softly as if in pain. He heart wrenched in her chest. The confusions and anger that had been switching off an on inside of her all night failed to diminish altogether.  
  
"I don't know if I can be with you and then have you not be with me," he said. "I told you. I couldn't stand it if you didn't want to be with me after."  
  
"His words wrenched her heart again. "You couldn't stand it if I wasn't with you, or you couldn't stand it if I went back to Logan?"  
  
"Both," he answered truthfully. "Max, I love you, and that's pretty hard for me to admit out loud."  
  
"I know," she whispered tearfully.  
  
"And despite what others and despite what even you may think; I'm not a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy. As corny as it sounds, when I give my heart to someone, it's for keeps." He declared then stood silently in front of her.  
  
"Can't you be?" she asked after hesitating.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can't you be that, just for one night," she said softly, as she drew closer again.  
  
Alec's eyes went straight to her lips as she brought her face to within mere inches of his own. He could feel the heat radiating of her skin.  
  
Max watched him as she licked her lips. Her throat was suddenly dry, a lump taking up residence deep down. She swallowed. "Can't you be, for just one night, just be that love em and leave em kind of guy?" She brought her lips to brush against his ear. "I need to know, Alec, but I also need to know that you won't be destroyed if it doesn't work out."  
  
Max felt her heart beat faster as she heard a soft groan come from Alec's lips. She imagined the shiver that must have run up his spine as her words breathed across his skin. She wasn't playing fair, she knew it and she didn't care.  
  
"Love me Alec," she implored him, as her lips traced the outer shell of his ear. "Love me. But.. just for one night," she whispered right before she took the flesh of his earlobe into her mouth.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Note:  
  
I have no idea if this made any sense. I wanted to explore how Alec is totally the opposite to Logan. In Chapter 4 Logan declared that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Well in my little DA universe it is the opposite for Alec - due in part to his experiences with Rachel. He doesn't want to give himself totally over to someone else and start something if there is a good chance for it to be ripped away from him. Who is right? Who is wrong? Well that depends on your point of view. I can understand Alec's caution, but it also interest me that Logan would take a risk and chance like he is with Max - at least in my stories.  
  
Once again, would you consider dropping me a line and telling me what you thought. I've had one helluva day today and your comments - whatever they are - tend to really lift my spirits. 


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 7  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Rating: R (for language only)  
  
Category: HEAVY ANGST/Romance  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Disclaimer: These characters are not my creation. No money is being made. No Infringement is intended.  
  
Feedback: Yes. Rhasa4@yahoo.com  
  
Archive: Just Ask  
  
Summary: Alec's POV.  
  
Author's Notes: At end.  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 7  
  
By Rhasa  
  
Alec's first thought was that he must be coming down with something. The heaviness that seemed to have settled throughout his body was something he was not accustomed to. As was the ache and stiffness that resided in his joints. He took a deep breath in and held it as he blinked heavily a couple of times. With more effort than usually required by an X5 upon waking, he lifted his left arm which was draped high above his head and brought it down to rest against his chest. It was only when he unconsciously ran his palm over his pec and began scratching the skin around his navel lightly, did a nagging thought suddenly occur to him.  
  
He was naked.  
  
Shit.  
  
The breath that he had been holding rushed out of him as consciousness took hold. His mind, totally alert having now thrown off the last lingering vestiges of sleep, couldn't halt that barrage of images and memories from the night before.  
  
He had done it.  
  
He had actually done it.  
  
He had given in and slept with Max.  
  
The words were more of an accusation than a realisation.  
  
Alec sighed, and instantly felt sick to his stomach with worry, uncertainty - and self-recrimination.  
  
The heaviness in his limbs seemed to mock him as he rolled over amidst a tangle of sheets and a pile of his discarded clothes, to find what his senses already alluded to - the bed was empty.  
  
He brought his left hand up and over to now rest against the white sheets. They were cold. She had obviously been gone for some time.  
  
"Shit," he mumbled to himself as he closed his eyes tightly against the post coital sensations that threatened to over run him.  
  
It had been both the best and worst sex he had ever had.  
  
He had tried to resist her. Hell, he had been trying to resist her ever since they first met. In the stillness of the room he chuckled with that thought, it being accompanied by a long lost memory. He remembered he had told himself that first day, back in her cell at Manticore, that he had a feeling that she would be his undoing. He had only taken one look at her - a dichotomy of neediness and stubbornness - and he had known that she was going to be trouble - in more ways than just those his superiors had warned him about.  
  
Be alert, they had told him. Don't turn your back on her. She's cunning and savvy. She has training - outside experience - that gives her an edge over you. And she's desperate. Stay alert.  
  
Two years later, Alec was still alert - but a lot of good it had done him.  
  
He had tried to resist her.  
  
But he had underestimated her persistence.  
  
This was not how he had wanted it to be.  
  
"I tried so hard not to love you," he had whispered, right before he had fiercely claimed her mouth with his own the night before.  
  
The memory of their first kiss brought a flutter to his stomach and an almost imperceptible tingle to his lips. She had been everything he thought she'd be - soft and sweet and warm, but strong and eager and possessive. Her need and desperation had egged him on, and after that first kiss he quickly found himself drowning in the sensation of 'everything Max' - the experience so intense that he feared he may never survive.  
  
It should be a crime to want her as much as he did, he thought, as she roughly undressed him. If not a crime, then it must be a sickness, an illness, a certifiable disease that requires intensive treatment.  
  
Max was like some illicit drug - one that he had craved, but up until now one that he had managed to avoid least the inevitable side affects ruin him. She had been his addiction. Once he had her he knew that he wouldn't be able to give her up. The trick was not to let her get into his system. There should have been a twelve step program that helped him resist her. Maybe if he had put it in those terms she wouldn't have pushed as hard as she did.  
  
She had not played fair, although she had accused him of that same thing. She had used his own confession against him. When she had shown up last night and begged him to love her - to love her like he had previously admitted wanting to lover her - not for the first time he cursed himself for ever saying those words to her.  
  
It had been easier before - when she hadn't known how he felt. It had been easier when she had been untouchable, unreachable. It had been easier when he had lied to himself, deluded himself, tried to convince himself that he could go on not having her. In fact he had given that very reason for not sleeping with her. "I don't know if I can be with you and then have you not be with me," he had warned.  
  
And yet here he was, alone just as he had feared he'd be. His body was sated but his soul was bereft. If only she had stayed..  
  
But this was Max. And he knew she'd run...  
  
He just didn't know if it would be him she was running away from, or Logan she'd be running to.  
  
Logan.  
  
Damn.  
  
Alec rose from the bed suddenly, he felt dizzy. He felt choked. His last thought before he hurried to the bathroom was that he was going to throw up.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Yes, I hear your screams of 'where is the hot monkey sex'? Alas, you should know by now that I don't do hot monkey sex. I applaud those authors who can, but it seems that I can't. I do angst. And you can bet that there will definitely be more angst and more angst.  
  
Yes they did sleep together, but it wasn't perfect as we all imagined it to be - well at least the emotion side of it wasn't perfect - the physical side went just fine thank you very much.  
  
I have my own reasons for why Max isn't in this little scene, but I'd love to hear from you as to where you think she may be and what's going on. So drop me a line at Rhasa4@yahoo.com or push reply or whatever. Your comments last time really made my day - a big thanks. 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 8  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Category: Angst DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have been warned  
  
Disclaimer: No money being made. Not my characters. Used without permission with no infringement intended.  
  
Feedback: will force me to update sooner Rhasa4@yahoo.com  
  
Summary: Max left Alec alone after their one night together. What's Alec to do?  
  
Author Notes: at end  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea  
  
Part 8  
  
By Rhasa  
  
To his credit, Alec had decided not to sneak up on Logan when entering his apartment unannounced late at night. But he was an X5 and even though he was not trying to be stealthily, he managed to surprise the older man nonetheless.  
  
"Alec," Logan said in a slightly shocked tone  
  
"Logan," Alec replied, curtly.  
  
"What can I do for you?" Logan asked turning back to his computer screen, all but dismissing the younger X5.  
  
"I'm looking for Max," Alec said simply. Perhaps any other time he would have thought to be more polite, maybe engage in a little idle chit chat, mention the not so lovely weather they were having, before launching in to the real reason why he was here. But not tonight. And not with Logan. They had never had that kind of relationship - not since the night Alec had been sent to kill him, if Max already laden with the retro virus hadn't beaten him to it.  
  
Without looking up, Logan answered. "I haven't seen her," he said "Not since last night," he added.  
  
Alec's heart sunk. He had spent the better part of a day trying to track Max down. And now he didn't know which was worse - still not being able to find her or knowing that she had been at Logan's before she had come to him last night. Somehow, knowing that she had been with Logan before she had come to him - before she had come to his bed - unsettled him.  
  
"Have you tried Crash?" Logan suggested, then looked up when no answer was forthcoming from Alec. "Of course you have," Logan said, answering his own question. "Here's the last place you'd look."  
  
Alec couldn't argue with that - since it was true.  
  
"You know why I'm really here. Don't you," Alec said at last.  
  
"I could hazard a guess," Logan answered. He was damned if he was going to say it out loud though. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Max had actually done what he had told her to do.  
  
"It's what you wanted. What you pushed for," Alec said without guilt.  
  
Logan looked up at him.  
  
"And yet," Alec continued, eyeing Logan wearily, trying to gauge the secret confessions of the older man that stood before him. "And yet it's not what you expected, is it?"  
  
Logan smiled, and shook his head slightly. "What I had expected?" He asked rhetorically, then chuckled. "It's not what I expected. It's not what I had hoped."  
  
"What did you hope?"  
  
"A thousand other things than this," Logan sighed. "I had hoped that Manticore and White and all that was threatening us would be in the past. I had hoped for a cure to the virus by now," he said with bitterness in his voice, then added softly, "I had hoped that I was wrong."  
  
"Wrong?" Alec queried.  
  
Logan looked up and straight at Alec. "Wrong about the way she felt about you."  
  
Alec stared at his feet uncomfortably. "You were," he said in a soft voice.  
  
"No. I don't think I was. You're standing here aren't you?"  
  
"You don't see her *with* me though, do you?" Alec said, a little bitter himself.  
  
"Doesn't matter," Logan shrugged. "I'm guessing she was *with* you last night."  
  
"Only cause you made her-" Alec said unapologetically.  
  
"Aw, come on, Alec. This is Max we're talking about," Logan said, angrily. "No one can make her do anything she doesn't already want to do!"  
  
"Yeah well, if she really wanted this thing between us, this thing you keep pushing at, this thing you keep forcing on her, then why isn't she here right now? Why isn't she standing here beside me, before you, rubbing your face in it? Why isn't she laughing at you, like you seem to think she should, huh Logan?" He knew his arguments sounded childish. But that didn't make them not true.  
  
Logan stood staring at him in silence.  
  
"I'll tell you why," Alec offered, a little quieter. "Because, you may think you know what it is she wants. But she doesn't have a damn clue what she wants... Or who she wants. Not really."  
  
"Well. I guess that makes it difficult for all of us, then. Doesn't it?" Logan sneered.  
  
"It doesn't have to be," Alec offered, with a shrug that didn't come off as nonchalant as he would have liked.. "I came looking for her, to tell her I'm leaving."  
  
"Leaving?" Logan asked, a little too hopeful for Alec's liking  
  
"Leaving Seattle. For good," Alec said.  
  
Logan stood and looked at him long and hard. "Despite what I might have thought about you in the past, Alec, I never really pegged you for a quitter."  
  
"I'm not. But I'm not a sucker for punishment either," Alec said, uncomfortably as he raised a hand to rub the back of his neck.  
  
"Is that what Max is doing? Punishing you?" Logan asked.  
  
"More like torturing me." Alec said.  
  
"I know the feeling," Logan said with a small sad chuckle.  
  
Now Alec took his turn to look long and hard at the older man before him. He hated to admit it, but there were more similarities between the two of them than he would've liked. "I gotta hand it to you, Logan," he said.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I don't know how you can stand it. Being around her. Loving her, albeit from afar, and knowing that you can't have her."  
  
"I could say the same thing about you," Logan told him. "Except there's one small difference. You have had her," he said factually, without the bitterness that Alec had expected to accompany a statement such as that.  
  
"Had. Past tense," Alec explained. "Have? No. I don't have Max, and after last night, something tells me, I never will."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Logan assured him.  
  
Alec looked at him quizzically.  
  
"She'll come after you," Logan said in answer to Alec's silent question. "She won't let you leave Seattle on her account. She couldn't handle the guilt."  
  
"She'll get over it," Alec shrugged, trying to convey an indifference that he didn't really feel. "And if she doesn't, I'm sure you'll help her."  
  
"This isn't a competition, Alec."  
  
"Isn't it?"  
  
"No. This isn't about me. This isn't about you," Logan said. "It's about Max. It's about what she wants."  
  
"And damn everyone else who gets caught in the crossfire?" Alec said cynically. "This is a dangerous game you're playing, Logan."  
  
"It's not about games. It's about choices."  
  
"Well. She made her choice. She left," Alec said bitterly. "Now I'm making my own choice. I'm leaving too."  
  
"You can leave but that won't stop her loving you - or you loving her, for that matter."  
  
"Haven't you heard, Logan? Time heals all wounds."  
  
"How philosophical of you."  
  
"Not philosophical. Practical," Alec replied. "I won't pretend that my leaving will stop me from loving her. You and I both know it doesn't work like that. But it will make the pain a little easier to bear."  
  
"That's funny," Logan scoffed. "I thought X5 Alpha males have a high tolerance to pain."  
  
Alec grimaced. "Without sounding too much like a hallmark card, not of pain of the heart. So, before this all gets way too mushy, I'm going to go," he said taking a few steps backwards. "It looks like you get the honours, Logan."  
  
"Honours?"  
  
"The honour of telling Max that I've gone - for good." Alec turned and walked to the door, before stopping. "Some advice, that once you gave me," he threw over his shoulder.  
  
"What's that?" Logan asked curiously.  
  
"Just treat her right."  
  
"You've got my word on that," Logan assured him.  
  
Alec nodded solemnly, seemingly accepting of Logan's promise.  
  
He turned once again and opened the door finally ready to leave Seattle and everything and everyone it contained behind him - except blocking his way was Max.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's notes:  
  
I want to apologise for the delay in posting this chapter. My mother had a very very bad accident and I have been totally preoccupied and rightly so.  
  
Anyway, I know a lot of people want this resolved. But didn't I say a thousand times before that this will be an angst piece and if you don't like drawn out stuff you had better bale? Well you were warned.  
  
I can't see this going on for much longer though. Maybe 2 more chapters. So if you stick it out until then you may finally get what you want.  
  
As always, I would LOVE to hear your comments, opinions, suggestions (other than "end it already" - cause I already hear you on that one!) and any other thoughts you send my way at Rhasa4@yahoo.com. 


	9. Capter 9

Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea Part 9 FINAL  
  
Author: Rhasa  
  
Rating Pg-13  
  
Category: Angst  
  
Disclaimer: No money being made. Not my characters. Used without permission with no infringement intended.  
  
Feedback: would be greatly appreciated Rhasa4@yahoo.com  
  
Summary: Without giving too much away, this is the final chapter.  
  
Author Notes: at end  
  
Missing Parts: All parts can be found at fanfiction.net  
  
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea part 9 FINAL  
  
By Rhasa  
  
"You're leaving?" A voice asked from the doorway.  
  
Alec didn't bother to turn around. The hairs on the back on his neck had stood up earlier, his senses alerting him to her prescience. He'd expected that she would come after him, but he had hoped to be gone by now. There was no way he could bring himself to face her, not right now. Not after he had found her at Logan's apartment twenty minutes earlier.  
  
"Can't get much past you, can I, Max?" he said with bitter sarcasm, as he stuffed a few more things into his duffle bag.  
  
"Why?"  
  
He chuckled under his breathe. Was she that clueless? Of course not. "Why am I leaving? I thought that would have been obvious by now, Max," he spat.  
  
"I said I was sorry, Alec," she stated bluntly as she moved further into the room.  
  
He stopped his packing, straightened up, but still refused to look at her. "You think that's gonna cut it? An 'I'm sorry, Alec'? You honestly thought that the next time you 'ran' into me, that a simple, "I'm sorry, Alec, sorry for what we've done, sorry for running out on you, sorry for messing with your head, sorry for running back to Logan first chance I got', would do it?"  
  
"I did not run back to Logan first chance I got," she said to his back.  
  
"No. I guess not," he snarled as his anger spun him around so he could accuse her to her face. "You had the decency to wait, oh a good eight hours after you left my bed, before doing that."  
  
"Don't do this," she said softly.  
  
He paused for a moment, the tears he saw in her eyes quenching his fury the tinniest bit. "Do what, tell the truth?" he quizzed her.  
  
"Don't be like this."  
  
"Like what? Angry? Sorry, Max. You don't get to tell me how to feel," he said as he resumed his packing.  
  
"That's not what I'm doing," she said.  
  
"Isn't it?"  
  
"I don't want you to go." Her words made him pull up short if only for a second.  
  
"Logan guessed you'd do this," he shook his head, in bemusement as he absently, took a gun from the waistband of his jeans and shoved in into the bag.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Beg me to stay."  
  
"I'm not begging."  
  
"Well that's good, Max, 'cause I'm not staying."  
  
"I'm not begging, Alec, but that doesn't mean that I still don't want you to go," she said as she reached out and placed a hand on his arm.  
  
He reacted as if her touch burned and pulled away sharply. "I don't think what you 'want' should factor into this anymore, Max."  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"What you 'want' always somehow seems to spell trouble for me. It's time to do what I want for a change."  
  
"And leaving is what you want?" She yelled.  
  
"Yes," he spat back.  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"Whatever you have to tell yourself, Max."  
  
"I know you."  
  
"No, Max, you don't"  
  
"Yes I do. I know you don't want to leave Seattle."  
  
"Yeah well, that's where you're wrong, absolutely, totally and utterly wrong."  
  
"No, I'm not. I know you better than you think. You try and put on this show for everyone, but I see right through it, Alec. I know you. I know how you think, how you feel. I've felt how you feel. You moving inside me, caressing me, loving me, cherishing me. That was you 'feeling'.You can't deny that. It was plain as day. I know you don't want to leave Seattle."  
  
"And they call me arrogant."  
  
"Well they call you a lot of things," she tried to quip.  
  
"You're still wrong. I don't give a damn about Seattle. Leaving. Staying. It doesn't matter. It's not the city that keeps me here."  
  
"I know. And for that I'm sorry."  
  
"Just another one of the many many things you're sorry for, hey Max?"  
  
"I don't know how many times I can say it, Alec," she offered, looking downwards.  
  
"Well keep going. Don't let me stop you from apologising; but just know, that no matter how many times you say those words, they'll never be enough," he turned away and placed his back next to the door before returning to his dresser.  
  
"I never meant to hurt you."  
  
"So you said, back in Logan's apartment," he said dismissively.  
  
"It's true. I didn't think-"  
  
"You didn't think, period," he spun and pointed an accusing finger at her.  
  
"You're right. I didn't think. But maybe that's because I didn't really want to," she said a little softer.  
  
Alec looked up at her.  
  
"Maybe Logan's idea gave me the perfect excuse not to think, but just to feel..That's all I really wanted, Alec. In all honesty, all I really wanted was to feel what it would be like..just to feel what it would be like.. to be with you."  
  
"Max-"  
  
"And before you go off and yell at me for how selfish that was, then yes, I'll agree it was selfish and ill-conceived and wrong for so many many different reasons, and yes, it meant taking advantage of you, perhaps just to satisfy my curiosity and lust and maybe it was on a whim but..you have to believe me, when I say, that I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
He stared at her, before softly saying, "I do. But that doesn't change the fact that you did."  
  
"I know," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes again.  
  
Without realising it, Alec took a step towards her. "I told you, that I couldn't have you and then live without you. You promised me, Max," he said in a hurt tone. "You promised me that when I woke you'd be there."  
  
"I know," she swallowed. His boyish voice tearing at her heart. "I screwed up. For once it was me. Please, don't go Alec. I couldn't stand it if you left."  
  
"I couldn't stand it if I stayed," he said looking down. "To know that you are with him. It was hard enough before, Max. But to see you two together now-"  
  
"You won't."  
  
"What?" he met her eyes again.  
  
"You won't see us togther. You didn't give me a chance to explain. You left Logan's apartment so quickly-"  
  
"I wasn't going to stand around while Logan gloated-"  
  
"He wasn't. He won't be. I went there to tell him we're through. For real this time."  
  
"What? You broke it off with him?"  
  
"Yeah, I broke it off with him. I needed to tell him. I knew after you and I...after we.. when I woke up... I needed to tell him straight away. I wanted everything cleared between us. I wanted it over."  
  
"But I spent a day looking for you."  
  
"I know. I lost my nerve. I'm sorry. But I had a lot to figure out. My heart was saying one thing and my brain another. I had to think." She inwardly begged him to understand, to imagine what it was that she had gone through in those few torturous hours.  
  
"I thought.. I didn't want to believe that you might have gone back to him," his voice choked.  
  
"I only went back to tell him it was over. I had to try to make him understand."  
  
Alec pinned her with a look. "Does he? Understand, I mean."  
  
"He's a man. Of course he doesn't understand. I tried to tell him that he doesn't love me. I thought he did, but the way this whole thing started.. His suggestion that I sleep with you during my heat. That wasn't him loving me. That was him trying to 'possess' me, bind me to him. Deep down, inside, I think I'm another conquest for Logan Cale. Another battle to win. You were right. He hates you, by the way."  
  
"Nothing new there."  
  
"Guess not," Max tried smiling a little.  
  
"So you sleep with me once and finally, everything becomes crystal clear to you?" He asked, eager to understand just what it was that had led her back to here.  
  
"Not everything. Just some things. I know now that Logan was testing me. But I guess I was also testing myself.. seeing if I could 'feel' for another.. seeing if it felt anywhere near right with someone other than Logan.. seeing if it felt right with you."  
  
Alec shuffled his feet. "And did it?" He asked both dreading and eagerly anticipating her answer.  
  
"Yeah, it did," she said softly with a small smile.  
  
Alec smiled back. "So, ummhm", he nervously cleared his throat. "What now?"  
  
"I won't lie to you Alec," Max told him. "I don't know what is going to happen between you and me. I told you before I can't guarantee anything. Life doesn't work like that. I do know I won't be going back to Logan. But as to what will happen between us.. well, if you're still interested I guess you're going to have to stick around to find out."  
  
Alec looked nervously at his feet again. "But you would like to explore whatever this thing is between us a little further, right?"  
  
Max smiled. She loved the fact that despite has macho image he still felt unsure of himself from time to time. "Right. But slow. We have to go slow. I think it would be better that way."  
  
"Right. Slow," he nodded, absently as he absorbed her words.  
  
"So you'll stay?" She asked him after a moment as she walked towards him.  
  
"I'm all packed," he said.  
  
"I'll help you unpack," she offered as she reached his side.  
  
"I've already told the super there's a spare apartment available in this block," he teased.  
  
"I'll help you look for another place," she told him, as she wound her arms around his neck.  
  
"Well then, I guess I might be convinced to stay, at least for a little while longer," he said as he bent his head and kissed her gently.  
  
His kiss was soft and sweet and hesitant and Max loved him for it. He felt utter relief at holding her in his arms again. His nose nuzzled her hair and she moulded herself against his chest and smiled. He pulled back ever so slightly to catch the corner of her mouth turn upwards and his chest ached. God how he loved this woman.  
  
Max watched him as he watched her. "Screw slow. I'm a girl who likes to go fast," she said as she reached for his lips again, this time with hunger and passion, and a ferocity that suddenly tore right through them both  
  
"Good. Because that's how it's going to be with me, Max.," he said after a few minutes.  
  
"I know," she smiled.  
  
"Poor Logan never stood a chance." He said as he kissed her once more.  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Well I hope you enjoyed this little journey. I know many out there will be flaming me for how I resolved this little drama between these characters. In my little DA universe, Max didn't just sleep with Alec and suddenly fall head over heels with him. It was more Logan's actions and reactions that pushed her away. Maybe it was what Logan secretly wanted - for Max to be happy... (there's a thought). Nevertheless, the attraction to Alec was already there. It seems natural to me that these two would want to explore that attraction further. As to how they'll go... Well, I'll leave that up to you.  
  
To those who have inquired about my mother, she is finally out of hospital, thank you. Her accident is what was preventing me from updating for so long and I thank you for your patience and understanding.  
  
Now that this little series is finished I fully intend returning to my other DA series : Today 'They' Won the Battle which is on fanfiction.net.  
  
In closing, I would still like to hear from people, what you thought etc. please please drop me a line or review. My inbox is really empty at the moment. All the best and happy holidays.  
  
Til next time  
  
Rhasa 


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